Photo by Kira auf der Heide on Unsplash

I wanted to give you gift, but I noticed that in English my words are not enough. I am not eloquent, I can’t write the most beautiful poem I could, and if I wrote it in Spanish, you would not understand. I wish I could write for you in Korean, but I could just say something like, take care of your throat after every concert, eat well, live healthy and happy; nothing poetic, my korean is not enough.

I wanted to give you a gift, one that you could carry with you, in your memory, when you have a hard time, when the world feels heavy in your shoulders, give you words of comfort. Tell you that your music is amazing, and there is probably so many people like me who put some of your songs on repeat before going to sleep. Tell you that you are making your parents proud, and that you are gonna ‘make it’, you have the talent and the grit to do it. I wanted to write down some beautiful words that could make it to your heart, that could be separated from all the hurting memories with me, so they are just soft and warm for you.

I still love you, as you had probably guess by now but I do not want you to be my lover, because love comes naturally and you do not love me anymore. I want you to be my friend, as strange as it sounds. I just wanna hear you laugh, hear you sing, hear you make weird noises and whistle, play your white and red guitar, know your new adventures, successes and hardships. But you cannot be my friend because you do not care about me, and I need a friend that cares for me. Like love, this cannot be forced. So I am gonna write the most beautiful words I can write in English, let you go, and write you poems in Spanish when I miss you.