A ‘thank you’ letter to the man who broke my heart

Photo by Gianandrea Villa on Unsplash

Today I was talking with my dad about attachment. He was telling me a story about a young guy he met in Peru while camping. The guy had a guitar and explained to my dad that he had this guitar since he was a kid, it was his companionship to all his adventures. Then, one night my dad saw this guy burning down his guitar in a wood fire. As a matter of fact, the guitar was the wood. My dad asked horrified what happened? The guy told him his guitar broke beyond repair (did not explain how) so it was time to let it go. So he was burning it.

I guess for him burning his guitar was a ritual to let his companionship go. While his guitar was burning down, he looked sad but he was telling his guitar out loud how thankful he was for all the time they had together. He was telling his guitar that probably that probably it was for the best that their adventures end there. He was thanking his guitar and letting it go. I know why my dad told me that story. He know I have been holding on to someone, when already the time has passed to let him go. I looked at my dad and try not to cry. He just gave me a little hug and said nothing else. Then I decided I need to write a thankful letter to that man, because I am still holding all the anger and resentment towards him, while at the same time I cannot forget myself for the mistakes I made. So here is this letter, maybe tomorrow when I feel this anger I can remember the good times and let him go, day by day.

Dear ‘I hope one day we become true friends’,

I am thankful for you and the time we spend together. I am thankful for the chocolates you gave me the first night you met me with that smile of your. I am thankful for the coffee shop dates, when you were nervous because you liked me, that you even drop a fork three times. I really liked your clumsiness. I thank you for commuting one hour every-time just to see me. I am thankful for every-time you bought me hot tea because I got a cold. For all the hugs, the jokes and the laughs. For thankful for the private concert you gave me at your place, I was your fan number one. I am thankful for you taking me to the hospital because I was sick. All the times you walk me to the bus stop and the times you cooked for me, I am grateful. For walking holding hands in the street like little kids. For the little sweet kisses in my forehead, cheeks and even my knee, for the passionate ones too.

I am thankful for trusting me with some of your worries, and some of your dreams. I am thankful for all the times I told you I was tired and you told me I did a good job. I am thankful for your goodbye gift, although it also broke my heart, I am thankful. For the Polaroid pictures of us being silly, and to try to dance with me even if you did not know how (it was your first, I am happy I was your first). I am thankful for all the warm memories I got with you, even when later it hurt. I am thankful for the lessons I learned from you, I am gonna carry them with me. I am thankful. I am thankful because I do not want to resent you, be angry at you, remember you with pain; the same way I wish you do not resent me anymore, and you remember me with affection, the affection you have for someone who made you happy in the past.

Thank you for sharing a part of your life with me.