Photo by Martijn Hendrikx on Unsplash

There are little soldiers inside my body. They do it for me, when all I want to do is stay in bed cuddling with my past mistakes, blaming myself for not knowing better. They protest, they start marching and force me to move, so I sit down in the border of my bed. I wanna stare at the wall for a while, but the soldiers, they wanna keep marching so they do. I find myself walking and wash my face. The little soldiers are grateful for the cold water, it makes them awake, it makes me awake. I stare at the mirror, I look like a cocoon of myself. I cannot recognize my eyes staring. My skin looks like a thin paper that can become dust in a moment.

The soldiers decide it is enough of staring, I start moving to the kitchen. Breakfast, breakfast! That is all they want, since I made them starve most part of the day yesterday. Yesterday I was stronger and the soldiers weaker, today it is vice-versa. A tea with toast will do and I proceed, I even put some cream cheese in it, the soldiers are happy. I wash a pile of dishes and take out the trash. I want to go back to sleep, the soldiers do not agree but now we are in equal forces, they have used a lot of their power to make it to the point the kitchen is clean, so at the end, we are even. We make a pact. I am gonna make my bed and change my pj’s for some comfy clothes, that is the soldiers requirement, in exchange, I can take a blanket and lay down in the sofa, doing whatever I want. At least is not the bed, I think. I am grateful for the little soldiers inside my body although we seem to always disagree. They just nod, they know. So I lay down and start to write.

A human being trying to heal and found her own voice. A self-love journey.

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