‘I cherish you for the night and day we spent together’

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I sucked at having short living romances. I had had three of them and the result of two of them was me crying on bed for a couple of weeks and with a feeling of why I am not enough for them to try to pursue something long-distance with me? I am afraid I sound really childish and immature for having these expectations considering I met these men trough tinder and they were travelling for business for a short period of time, but that is how I felt back then. Of course, they were not looking for a serious relationship and moreover I did not have enough time to know them, or for them to know me. Anyways, after that I quit tinder, go back on it again, have a couple of dates, have fun but no really connected with anyone until I met Jon.

Jon was travelling for business for a week. I was not particularly interested on meeting him because I thought, I had not felt a real connection with someone in so long that this would be another pretty average tinder date so why I am going to invest my time like that again? Should it be better to meet someone organically? But on Friday I found myself free at night because the students I tutor had cancel their classes so I was home earlier, and not tired. I wanted to go out and seeing my two flat mates getting ready to go out on dates with their respective boyfriends made me decide I should go on date as well, and maybe have an interesting conversation at least. That was my hope for that day, an interesting conversation, since I knew he was just travelling. When I met him, I found him really attractive but it was after we started talking when I realized he was really funny, smart, interesting and the conversation was easy.

I enjoy my dinner with him and we decided to go dancing. After I spend the night with him, we spend next day together, until he had to start to pack because his flight was on that day. I was so happy during those hours, but what make this experience so amazing was the fact that he never said things in the line of: I can come back here for vacation and we can keep in touch (as I had heard in the past). And I decided I am always going to have a really warm memory of him in my heart. He did not know and will never know that I have been struggling with depression for almost half a year, and that his positive was so contagious that I can put that memories as another stone where I can rest. There is a lot of stuff I need to work on, and keep going to therapy and some days are harder than others. I cannot deny that when we stop messaging, I was sad, but I did not felt heart-broken. I felt glad I met him and had that experience, and that the same way our connection just happened ‘organically’, it is pointless to try to force relationships. He is in the other side of the world literally, and I am happy we somehow ended up meeting. So, I just cherish the memories of us kissing and holding hands while having a food tour, and laugh here and there when I remember his jokes.

A human being trying to heal and found her own voice. A self-love journey.

A human being trying to heal and found her own voice. A self-love journey.